You've Got Some Kind of Magic

Dear Jasso,

About.. ohh I don't know... 8 or 9 months ago you caught my eye. Yeah, at the time I had boyfriend. I tried to deny my feelings for you but it was impossible. Every time I shared a moment with you someone would tell me...

"You look so happy"
"Your face is glowing"
"There's something different about you, in a good way"

But I just brushed it off.. or at least that what I wanted to make it seem like. But I knew the truth. It was you. You had that affect on me. You listened to me when I wasn't feeling like I belonged here, when I had problems with the one I love, and you gave me the attention I've been wanting for a long time. You swept me off my feet and you knew it.

You took me out to eat.
You took me to the movies.
You took me to the zoo.
You took me to the game.
You took me home.
You took care of me.

I fell for every word you said, typed, texted and I so easily gave in to you. You had me right where you wanted and I thought you cared so I satisfied your every need those nights we were alone. I gave you apart of me I gave almost no one and it seems like now you'll have that piece of me forever. I won't ever have it back.

It's been 8 or 9 months now? and we were nothing, so why am I sitting here alone in my room still thinking of you and those times we shared? It lasted weeks, not even months. It still feels like my heart drops into my stomach when I see those pictures of you and her. Sometimes I wish that could have been me just so I wouldn't have these walls around me. I blame you for them.

I blame you for my insecurities.
I blame you for the reason why I can't be with the one I love.
I blame you for tricking me into thinking you care but all you wanted was a few late night booty calls.
You were older, a 3rd year, you knew exactly what you were doing; I didn't, I was just a freshman, who fell for the first guy to say some sweet little words.

So thanks; you've really made me into a stronger person. So strong, everyone else is scared of me.

PS: Thanks for helping your new girlfriend move right across the street my apartment. I guess I'll be seeing you and her a lot then huh? Of ALL the places in IV, she couldn't have picked a better place.

PSS: Your new girlfriend is quite the sell-out. All decked out in her new Dodger gear but all the this time she's been claiming to be a huge Giants fan. What a waste of Dodger merch.

Thank You's and Something New

So first off, I just want to say thank you to every one who commented and helped me out with my blogging project for my English class. I feel like my group and I did really well and I'll keep you updated about how I did in the class as soon as I get my grade (this project was 40% of my grade).
Thanks again.

Before this project I thought blogging was dumb. Like super dumb. I used to have a livejournal back in the day with the homegurl Tina G. haha. and I used to think, "jeeze, you were a pretty self centered little girl. Always complaining or bragging about your life on the Internet." but I feel differently about it now. Maybe I'm back to my old ways where I just want to complain about how "hard" I have it in my life, haha I'm just kidding. I don't know what it is really, but I definitely got into again.

Anyways, I just out of the shower about 20-30 minutes ago. And I don't know what it is about showers but I look forward to them. It's place where I feel like I'm completely myself and I guess I just reflect on my day, my life, myself. Well, what I thought about today was how much I'm unhappy with my body, which is horrible. Believe me, I know. I know anyone and every one can tell me how there's nothing wrong with it, I shouldn't let the media/other people get to me but I can't control that. If I could just wash away all my insecurities, if I could just ignore what societies standards of beauty are, if I could just accept and be happy with what I am, I would. But the reality is I'm not.

I spend a ridiculous amount of time searching for ways to lose weight, thinking about what I could change, and looking at images of other women who I envy because of their body. I know! Not cool at all. I've been feeling like this since January and I'm tired of it. I realized I can't just wish these feelings away so I'm gonna do something about it. I'm going to make some changes. I'm tired of almost everything about myself, and I've decided to change, for the better. I thought about some changes to start with too. Here they are:

1. Exercise. And keep up with it. I have the habit of working out really hard for a short amount of time, I feel better about myself, so I stop, and just feel shitty again. So none of that anymore. I need to make my exercising habits part of my lifestyle.

2. No more drinking. Yes, I know I'm underage and during the time I'm intoxicated I feel weightless, I'm wayyy more social and just overall happy. Not so much the next morning. I know my room mates will be disappointed because I "entertain" them whenever we go out and drink, but I don't want to have to drink to have a good time. It's not good. No more poisons for my body.

3. Get involved in something meaningful to me. In high school, I never knew it then, but the Mean Green Team meant a lot to me. I used to see all those tree-plantings and beach and river clean ups and something to do on a Saturday morning since I had nothing else to do, plus I get to spend the day with my friends. Looking back now, I remember feeling good about the work I did and helping out my community. So I definitely want to do something that is actually making a difference. Even if its those little trips back home on the weekends to talk to PUC students about college.

4. Become skilled in something. Like a sport or dancing or I don't know, just something where I can be like yea I'm good at that. I'm not really skilled and much of anything other than making bubbles with my tongue. And people go from amazement to being disgusted in a short amount of time. It's time for a new talent.

Never Too Old to Watch Cartoons

I believe that you can never be too old to watch cartoons. It seems like these days its easier for anyone to watch cartoons than it has ever been before. Two weeks ago, Disney's Pixar newest movie, "Up" came out and has been number one in the box office for two weeks now. Thing's are definitely looking up for "Up" because it will most likely finish among the top three Pixar movies with "Finding Nemo", "The Incredibles", and "Monster's Inc.".

A few years ago when "Wall-E" came out my family asked me probably about 3 times to go see "Wall-E" with them and every time I said no just because I didn't think I was going to enjoy it. I just thought "Robots, cartoons, Disney... I'm a little to old for that". I finally saw "Wall-E" this past Christmas when my little sister got the movie as a gift. That movie is now one of my favorite movies of all time. So when I heard about "Up" I thought I have got to see it.

I also noticed a lot of people writing about how great "Up" on their Facebook status. Yesterday I took the time to go see it in 3-D and I was blown away. It is such good movie I want to go see it again. Not only did I absolutely love this movie but the Pixar short film "Partly Cloudy", they show before the movie, was also great. Another one of my favorite Pixar short films. I'm not sure if it beats "One Man Band", but it's definitely up there.

Bottom line, go see the movie "Up". You won't be disappointed.
More about how "Up" did in the box office.

You're Not a Celebrity, So Let's Leave You In The Jungle

Heidi and Spencer Pratt quit the new reality TV show "I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!". Big whoop. So I guess they have already quit and un-quit the show a few times. The couple had already threatened to walk off the show at least twice during the premiere. Then one of the Pratts wrote on twitter "I'm praying to Jesus to have NBC forgive me and allow Speidi back! The jungle makes you do crazy things". Supposedly, they wanted to compete in the show to continue supporting their cause for the American Red Cross.

From the looks of it now, they've officially quit the show. Spencer even said "Super-celebrities don't belong in the jungle. They belong in Hollywood with the paparazzi." So much for being passionate about supporting the American Red Cross.

I never really knew the whole thing about Heidi and Spencer and why people hated them so much just because I never watched the Hills or anything. But just by this article alone, I can tell they are some real big douche bags. All I ever hear about is how people hate Heidi and Spencer, and I just think if that's true why are you giving them all the publicity that they want? If you truly didn't like them, you wouldn't be all up in their lives all the time keeping yourself updated on what is going on in their life.

I'm embarrassed to say this but celebrities are the ones that most people in our society today look up to. And to see that we are putting people like Heidi and Spencer up on this pedestal just kinda irks me. I don't know about what the rest of you think but I think we seriously need to rethink who we are putting the spotlight on.

Article on Heidi and Spencer, ugh.